Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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