remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
