i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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