There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
