I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
