God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
