LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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