Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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