you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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