If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
