If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
