what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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