I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize