she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize