If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Randomize
