there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
