I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
