Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
