at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Who died my cat blue again?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
