If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
