Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
