So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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