i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
