I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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