hotel room ftw
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
