Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
