Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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