He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
