Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
