Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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