you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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