If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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