Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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