It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
