dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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