her vagine was all disorganized.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
