And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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