Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
