Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
