I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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