the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
