Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
