please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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