Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
