I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
