it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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