U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
