At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize