i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
