We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
