Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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