He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
