That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
