God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
