Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
