I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
