I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
