Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
