He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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