Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
