Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
