Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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