Christians are straight up FREAKS
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
