My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
