alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
