apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
