when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
