I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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