Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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