He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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