Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
